Toxic people tend to drive others away. In turn, they often wind up alone. However, in the meantime, their behaviors often sow the seeds of distress. Sometimes troubles last for a long time. For some the damage lasts permanently.
We call one form of this toxicity narcissism, which may or may not reach the level of a mental disorder we call Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are varying opinions as to the source of this condition, but more important priorities demand that we develop a working knowledge of how to recognize and avoid these people.
We all have some of these traits, and if we don’t, we can expect to be routinely exploited and mistreated. At some point the intensity becomes such that it ceases to be mainly self defense and looks more like a mindless need to dominate others.
Control therefore surfaces as a giveaway symptom of this form of poisonous personality. One variety seems to show these control qualities from childhood, although not actually diagnosable till later years, beyond the juvenile period. These control issues develop with greater clarity when they take on the repetitive effect of causing pain and distress in others. That time happens to show up in close relationships such as marriage.
People sometimes refer to these unfortunate circumstances as abusive relationships which can be life-altering or even deadly. For this reason, a child needs to learn how to identify these people for his or her own safety.
In the majority of instances, a child will automatically develop a feeling of uneasiness or wariness which may be part of his survival instinct, but sometimes he may think he brought the unpleasantness upon himself through some fault or flaw in him or her, not infrequently encouraged by the bad actor.
A few visible qualities or traits may validate these uncomfortable feelings, the latter of which may lead to dysphoria or a sense of helplessness, instead of providing tools of self defense.
The word, special, seems so common among these people as to force us to examine what makes these people think they are unique. Thinly disguised under this specialness is a sense of contempt or disdain for others. This same quality is the one often associated with terminally failed marriages beyond any reasonable probability for resuscitation. It’s like sulfuric acid, something to be quickly washed off one’s skin.
We can infer that some have a deep-seated sense of inadequacy or inferiority that demands some form of defense, such as attacking another person, to enable the survival of one’s own ego. So, reducing anxiety may drive some narcissistic sorts to come across as “holier than thou.”
People in power, particularly those in politics offer fertile soil for digging up examples of these unpleasant specimens. Their compulsions to control others and to exude the message of their phony superiority challenge our ability to not see the obvious.
If you want a taste of pure genius, read Thomas Sowell’s Visions of the Annointed. More genius can be found in one paragraph of this man’s writing than in most complete volumes.
If this is an issue you are facing, contact us and we will help you navigate it.